what is one year without alcohol like?

It's exhilarating, exhausting, hopeful, difficult, emotional, confusing, joyous. It was a year of freedom, learning, loving myself, growing, and acceptance. It was learning to live without a crutch and becoming hopeful for the future. Over the past year I became conscious and aware and was able to be honest with myself and others, even if that was difficult. It was a year of letting go of resentments and practicing boundaries. It was rebuilding some relationships, and readjusting to uncharted territory in others. It was a year of soul searching and ultimately, of finding myself again.

It's been over a week since I celebrated one year sober and I'm finally having the chance to sit down and write about it. It's been a whirlwind for sure. November 11, 2021 came and went and it feels different yet the same. I happened to be in California for ten days preparing for my move back in January (which is a whole other topic). I was able to celebrate with multiple lunches and dinners with friends and family, and took some fun pictures with a "1" balloon. It was mellow and I felt very content. The trip may have been a whirlwind, but on that day I felt a sense of calm that I've rarely experienced in my thirty-three years. It's something I can't explain, as I'm a worrier by nature, but that day nothing could bother me. And that's one of the biggest gifts that not drinking has given me, it's significantly lessened my anxiety and worry in day to day life.

When I decided to stop drinking, I thought that I would at the minimum give it one year. I was determined to make that one year and then I could decide if I wanted to drink again. I've now made it to one year, and you know what, I actually want to keep going. Yes, there are some days that are difficult but now I know that alcohol only fuels the fire (of hurting/thoughts/numbing/etc) within me that only makes things even worse. Alcohol will never bring me up, no matter how much I want it to sometimes. That's a hard truth to swallow, but I'm grateful I'm now conscious of it. Becoming conscious of my problem with alcohol and then accepting it and working towards different outcomes in my life, are only the first steps. I know this will be a lifelong journey, and that's fine with me.

Some people say that one year is a big milestone. But it didn't feel that big to me, it kind of felt like just another day. In a sense that is a good thing, because it proves how not drinking is just the norm for me now. I've gotten used to it. I'm also one to downplay any of my achievements (something I'm working on and will continue to dig into for this next year), and know that this is something to be very proud of. Sometimes I feel like a superhero because I don't need substances to get me through life anymore. I'm living life as it comes to me, even if that means I'm awkward in social situations or struggle to fully embrace my own skin sometimes.

Being sober, I find myself more aware of everything - everything smells better, looks better, tastes better. I'm also more conscious of myself, my feelings, actions and words, and how that can affect others. I've also learned how to stick up for myself and protect my peace. It's been tough to put boundaries in place and really stick to them, but every day it is something to work on. I'm actually looking forward to continuing to do more of this work. Because now that I've experienced such a positive change in myself, I hope to help and inspire others.

Without alcohol in my life I feel more connected - to myself (including my health), to others, to nature, to the physical and energetic world around me. When I look back, the past year has felt like a steady climb towards something greater than myself. The first year is the hardest but also the most rewarding. I know it sounds corny, but being alcohol free has become my most treasured possession. All the hard work of the past year has paid off in many ways, but now I get to continue the journey forward.

Celebrating One Year in Paradise

Don't let it slip away!