put down the bottle ... pick up emotions?

Emotions gone haywire after going sober? Yeah, mine too. Nine months of not drinking and I feel like I have the emotional range of a two-year old. I cry at television commercials, get angry over the smallest things that never used to bother me, and am filled with happiness when i'm snuggling my dog, dancing or taking a walk. The range and speed of which they change is unbelievable. One minute I feel happy, content and hopeful, the next minute I feel sad, overwhelmed and hopeless.

But it makes sense that my emotions are now running wild. I was using alcohol to numb my emotions & thoughts, not feel anything, or dim a feeling, for 18 years. Emotions take time to level off once alcohol is out of the picture. The brain almost goes into hyperdrive for a while after the alcohol is removed and it is no longer being numbed.

Sometimes, I'm exhausted by my own thoughts. It's no wonder I drank, it feels impossible to live inside my own head, and I needed the liquor to drowned out the constant, changing, and heavily negative-leaning narrative. I would use alcohol to bypass what I was thinking or feeling, but now I'm really putting in the work to recognize, acknowledge and move through emotions and feelings.

Since I can no longer turn to alcohol to relieve the thoughts but still need to live inside my head and function as a person, I find some other healthy way to express how I'm feeling. I'm sure I won't have to do this forever, but for right now, it's how I regulate my emotions. I know that every emotion I step through with grace will strengthen my resolve and give me confidence. Emotional self-regulation will be a lifelong process and journey for me. As much as emotions and racing thoughts suck sometimes, I'm at ease knowing that I'm feeling and thinking again, especially knowing that they're bringing me closer to really knowing myself.

Solutions

1. When I'm feeling a big emotion, or even a small one, I turn to one or more of the below instead of picking up a bottle:

Take a walk.

Meditate.

Scream into a pillow.

Cry.

Call another person to talk about it.

Do a yoga or HIIT class.

Snuggle my dog.

2. Remember that feelings are not facts. They will pass. Change is the only constant.

3. It's okay to cry! It is nothing but human to have emotions.