comparison in sobriety: is comparison the thief of joy?

Living in our social media culture, it's so easy to look at others and compare my sobriety path to theirs.

Whether on Instagram or with the sober people I know in "real life," I see sober people celebrating two or three years of sobriety and within that time they've gotten engaged or married, pregnant or had a child, started a business, worked toward a degree, got a new job or gotten promoted. And while I am so happy and proud and overjoyed for them, it's so easy for me to compare and think, "Well, I must be so lazy! I don't have any of the things that I still want," or, "Yeah, I've stayed sober, but I have nothing else to show for it." But that's the great lesson here, it's no one else's sober journey except for my own. My path is just my path, no one else's. I truly believe:

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparing myself to others doesn't help me. It doesn't bring me happiness or make me feel better. It lowers my self-worth and gets me stuck in the downward spiral of lack. Because that's where comparison comes from, it comes from the often subconscious, underlying thinking that there isn't enough for everyone. That because someone has something that I also want, that I can't have it as well. Comparison makes my thinking very limited - we can't all get what we want. But the thing is, we can. There is enough to go around, there is enough for everyone!

When I notice myself slipping into that comparison and lack mentality (because the first step is always self-awareness), I think of the Comparison Pyramid. The Comparison Pyramid is an inverted pyramid that helps take me out of that comparison thinking when I go down that negative train path. When I feel triggered by something that someone posted online or I think of the thing I feel I am missing, the thing that I want in my life as well (whether that's a job, partnership, apartment, etc) as a pyramid, but flip it around. Instead of the opportunities becoming more scarce the closer we get to the thing we want, they actually become wider. At the top, I picture it like an unlimited number of chairs in a row, when one chair gets sat in by someone who has what we want, another chair appears. So another person getting what you want, doesn’t diminish your chances of getting that same thing, it expands and widens.

Although thinking of the Comparison Pyramid helps, after a comparison episode, I feel guilty because I know that comparing myself and my path to others isn't one of the "highest," most productive things that I can do. But it's important to remember that we are human. Our thoughts sometimes go to these dark, "crazy" places. It's recognizing (self-awareness), not dwelling and re-structuring those thoughts that will help pull us into the light. I'm not sure if comparison is so strong in me because I'm not at the place in my life that I want to be yet, but most of the time, it just happens before I can even catch myself thinking it. That's where practice and consistency comes in - catching and releasing those thoughts.

When in doubt, just keep practicing! Just keep going! Hang in there, things will get better. You are always worthy of anything that you want.