can you go to vegas and stay sober?

Yes, I went to Las Vegas. No, I did not drink any alcohol! It can obviously be done, but it was honestly more difficult for me than I thought it would be.

Do you know those moving walkways they have at airports? The ones where you can either stand to give your legs a lil break or you can keep walking so you are essentially moving at a double pace? Well there are also two kinds of people in life - those that stop on the moving walkway and those that keep walking. I find that is a great allegory to life. Human beings are always in a state of stagnation or movement (growth). On my journey of recovery, I've been in a state of growth, and that's partly why I went on this trip when the opportunity presented itself, I wanted to keep moving in that direction of growth. I wanted to experience new things without drinking.

It was tough "putting myself out there," not only as a newly sober woman, but also after coming out of a pandemic (that is still around - mask wearing was required indoors). But I didn't want to stay stagnant any longer, living solely in my sober bubble, and needed to go on this trip to push myself a bit to do things sober. I thought I was strong enough at almost 9 months alcohol free, and having a strong support system, to go on this trip. But in hindsight, maybe I wasn't ready yet to go to Vegas alone in a group. For example, there were definitely a couple of times that I seriously thought about drinking. And not even out at dinner when I was with everyone, but more so after everyone retired to their rooms. It was then that I really thought about wanting to go to the bar to get a drink or grab a bottle of wine and drink alone in my room. There was also another time I was tempted, while at a slot machine, and a waitress came up asking if I wanted to order a drink. I thought about it, but ordered water.

Which, brings me to another point, having fun. Staying sober in Vegas is one thing and I did it (super proud of myself btw), but can you really have fun? Of course it's still fun! I did have fun! I'm so grateful for the time and experience that I had there. I really had a fun, pleasant, enjoyable time. But, as I was reflecting on the way home, and this may be controversial - I just didn't have as much fun as I remember having had there on trips where I've been drinking.

A bubly good time!

I think there are several factors for this: I was single in a group of all couples, not knowing barely anyone in the group while being a huge introvert, it was my first time going on a trip with people that don't know my recovery situation. More so, though, I think it's about perception. The times in the past when I've been drinking in Vegas, the fun that I thought I'd had was perceived. What I perceived as fun at the time, which was associated with drinking (getting that first drink after waiting in line to get into the club, staying out at the club until 6am, taking pictures with statues & drinks in the hotel lobby, etc), was in reality a dramatic mess. These are not normally "fun" things, but in Vegas, they are perceived as so AND tied to drinking.

Reflecting back, the real growth of this trip involved the ever-changing and evolving definition of fun for me. I had to have a shift in thinking and untie my brain's association with fun automatically tied to drinking. I needed a shift that fun for me now is waking up fresh faced each morning, rather than expending energy on all of the drama that automatically comes with drinking for me. This trip really challenged me to overcome FOMO (fear of missing out), especially heading back to my room alone every night. Even though it may have been lonelier than I was ready for, I didn't do any stupid shit drunk! I'm especially grateful that I remember everything, and didn't call my cousin a whore while blacked out (like I did last time I was there).

I think the "fun factor," may also say more about Vegas than it does about liquor. Vegas is designed for drinking, especially binging. Staying sober through it, you notice all the grime, loneliness, and really how dirty and sad it is. Without the alcohol, Vegas just looks like a cheap movie set. Plus, when you are sober, you care a lot more about the money you lose when you gamble!

Overlooking the Bellagio

Bottom line: I'm glad that I went to Vegas. I had fun and I'm so thankful that I got to go. I'm happy I remained sober. But, for the future, if planning a vacation myself, know that Vegas is probably not the choice for me.

Solutions

I know in a previous post that I said to always say yes to Vegas, but honestly, I don't think I would recommend going to Vegas as someone newly sober. You really are surrounded by promoting drinking, drunk people, and actual alcohol. It requires a clear, honest look at your personal limits when it comes to alcohol. After some reflection, it turns out I needed a better reality check on my personal limits on what I can handle.

Next time I go on vacation, if I am going alone in a group of people, make sure I have a support person there who is there for me alone. Someone that can stay in the same room as me, and really be there for support.

Be proud of myself for making it through the trip! Double down on my recovery this week.